Doom and gloom today.  I'm feeling pissy.  I did not sleep well last night at all, which does not bode well for the day.  I was very annoyed about it, not sure if it was the vyvanse or what.  It ended around 11pm and I took my usual sleepy meds.  Just couldn't settle down, I fucked around on Pinterest forever waiting for my eyes to do that strained, exhausted thing, but it never came.  I smoked some pot and still didn't sleep.  That's extremely annoying because I don't really care for being high, I use it to help sleep.  I didn't even feel like smoking last night, I put it off until it was like 3am, hoping I would fall asleep naturally.  Anyway, I laid there continuing to over-think everything forever, being miserable.
I finally fell asleep, and then Husband woke me up at 5am to chase the cat around the yard, I was still high and really confused and very annoyed that he wasn't aware of the Cat's location while fussing with getting the dog outside.  The dog freaked out when he saw me, got super excited, which I hate because I wanted to go back to bed and didn't want Jasper to feel disappointed at my disappearance.  Husband was not specific in telling me where Cat went, so I looked out front of the house for 15 minutes.  After I couldn't find him I was really nervous that he had run off for good this time.  Then came inside and Husband yelled at me like a complete and total asshole for not helping.  Finally got Cat back inside and at this point my stress level was really high.  Husband was a dick causing me to flip to Evil Jill, and I was stressed about the animals.  I can't handle it when they are upset.  Cat gets very upset and volatile after being outside because he knows he has been bad.  Dog became anxious because I was anxious, and also wouldn't play with him.
After that I could not fall asleep for anything.  I laid in bed, thinking about my doctor's appt today to have a suspicious mole looked at.  I thought about what I would do and say when she told me I have cancer, who I would tell first, how I would tell people.  Would I even care?  Would my release finally be here?  My way out?  As usual, no regard for anyone else's feelings, it's always about me.  I started a plan, perhaps I wouldn't even tell anyone, I wouldn't seek treatment, I would just continue as if nothing was happening.  Wouldn't that be awful.
Such a selfish bitch!  And wtf, I don't even have fucking cancer.  It wasn't even a mole, it was an inflamed pore, for christsakes.
I survive to live another day.  No simple escape for this girl, not today.